Coffee table books have long been a firm favourite among households as they add a bit of life to an empty table. Coffee table books add a sense of ‘home’ to a house and provide a visitor with an insight into the character of the homeowner.
All over the world you’ll find coffee tables laced with magazines on celebrities, travel and house renovation tips. But, what if we were to provide you with some coffee table magazine ideas that are so utterly pointless, they just have to be a thing?
Below, you’ll find some of our favourite coffee table books that definitely should exist!
Black Holes: A Visual Guide
This magazine has been designed by NASA* 😉
Floating out in space, Astronauts come across many wonderful and unusual sights that are yet to be recorded, and our solar system’s black holes, are one of these sights…until this year. 2019 marked the first year that scientists have been able to photograph a black hole.
Black holes are the enemies of space; they’re so dense that not even light can travel through and escape its gravitational pull. So, what better way to show a visitor your dark side than a visual guide to black holes?
Our 100 million page visual guide explores the darkness of many well-known black holes, including Centaurus A and Messier 51, and gives you an insight into the colour black.
*NASA made no contribution to the making of this appalling magazine.
Dummies For Dummies
Dummies for Dummies is a dummies guide created by dummies, for dummies so you can learn how to be the dummiest dummy of all the dummies.
Dummies for Dummies can teach you how to speak not goodly. It can teach you wrong facts to use in the wrong situations so you maintain your dummy status.
It has pictures of cats, sticks, fruit, babies, lollipops…oh cool a sellotape dispenser.
This magazine is now available for purchase on Amazon Kindle, if you know what that is.
Esperanto Word Search
Ever heard of Esperanto? Nah, we hadn’t either until we stumbled across this completely useless word search!
Esperanto was created to serve as a universal second language that was easy and flexible to learn, and was intended for use across Europe. The language didn’t really take off though, and today, only 2 million people in Europe use it, which is nothing compared to the hundreds of millions of people that inhabit Europe.
If you want to learn Esperanto, try this terura vorto serĉi – easy to read? Not to us either!
Good luck to whoever decides to give this word search a go – think you’re gonna need it!
Coffee Table Books and Other Oversized Things
There is a rumour going around that the size of your coffee table book directly correlates to the size of your intellect. That’s right, the larger coffee table book you have, the bigger brains you’ve got!
Okay, that’s not strictly true, but there are definitely some people that think that’s the case. And as we mentioned earlier, coffee table books are a design feature as much as they are a book, so they often come in big sizes with alluring designs, so they’re as enjoyable to look at as they are to read.
So, this is an oversized book that documents other oversized things. Think Maine Coon cats, prize-winning vegetables and now, with this large coffee book, your intellect!
Yellow & Other Colours
There are about 10 million colours that we, as humans, can see. Sure, you know the basics: blue, yellow, green, whatever, but there are certain shades and hues that we need help categorising.
This is what Yellow & Other Colours sets out to do, by making a note of the colours that we all know in terms we’re more familiar with. Forget fancy nonsensical words for colors we don’t know like malachite, gamboge, fallow and what have you.
Stick to the terms you know. Like Not-Quite White, Trouser Beige, Lacklustre Brown and more. Soon, you’ll be using these terms wherever you go and you can identify colour with confidence!
Penguin Book of Penguins
Penguin books have long been an arbiter of British literary heritage. Since its inception in 1935, this publishing house have become a cultural icon with their simple, and now iconic, book designs. Minimalist, clean, featuring a penguin, what more could you want?
As coffee table books are an exercise in flexing your meta and alternative knowledge, The Penguin Book of Penguins is about as meta as it gets.
Penguin themselves, have made a Penguin book about Penguins. Amazing.
From the esteemed Emperor to the noble Adelie, this book has it all, with annotated diagrams, stats and more.
Never wonder anything about penguins again. Consult this definitive Penguin Book of Penguins for all the penguin facts you need
Celebrity Shadows: A Pull-To-Reveal Book
In 2019, the cult of celebrity shows no signs of slowing down. Heck, a celebrity with no political experience is now in the highest office in the world, with all the nuclear bomb codes. If that isn’t indicative of where our celebrity worship has reached, then what is?
This coffee table book makes a nice, broody looking tome to have on your coffee table, but also doubles up as a fun game for anyone who’s sitting down to read it.
Flick through the pages and you’ll see the shadows of many esteemed celebrities. Put on your deerstalker hat and charge up your intuition as this game is tough. Can you guess the celebrity each shadow belongs to? Pull down the tab to reveal who’s famous shadow you’re looking at!
If you get any of these right, then you are either really lucky or you have way, way too much time on your hands. Good luck!
Misspelt Tattoos: DIY Edition
A book that will bring you eternal satisfaction. There is nothing that secretly makes us more happy than a misspelt tattoo. The schadenfreude we experience when seeing a misspelt tattoo is palpable. Especially when we consider the prospect that someone will have to wear the consequence of their dumb decision forever and ever.
We can pretend like we don’t get a massive buzz out of it, but we do. This is why this book is an absolute essential for your coffee table. You can keep living and reliving the eternal suffering of these people. Enjoy their permanent mistakes permanently and imagine to yourself, does that person really ‘ragret nohing’?
Of course they do, they regret getting a misspelt tattoo that will literally never leave them. There are many instances in the build up to getting a tattoo where you can check what they’re going to be permanently inking onto your body. It’s not like the artist hasn’t given the recipient a glimpse of what it will look like, that’s what makes it so good, so amazing. That these vital, yet so basic mistakes have gone through a professional tattoo artist and a paying customer with neither of them realising…until it’s permanent.
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